Wannabe media mogul Murdoch Olsen figured footy was the way to kick-start his empire. Noting the AFL's desire to escalate club membership figures, he proposed booklets and YouTube videos that would promote each team's chances of winning the 2012 premiership. "It's the Hope Industry," Murd explained to impressed AFL marketing gurus. "We sell the story of each team's glorious upcoming season and make it believable. It'll be a cult, kitsch, viral buzz item," he enthused.ADELAIDE v Essendon
"Get someone else apart from Neil Craig to spout all that stuff about the Crows having the most exciting group in the history of the club. After they've had their two worst-ever seasons… " "Bombers? Hire Matthew Lloyd and Tim Watson as assistant coaches. Promise another three Dyson Heppells next draft."RICHMOND v Gold Coast
"After a generation of failure, you only have to sell Tiger fans on finishing fifth in 2012 - it's the 'ninth' of the top four." "Suns are easy, everyone believes it's just a matter of time before they win a flag. Big pre-season…"Carlton v COLLINGWOOD
"Carlton fans think the Blues should win it this year, because they are Carlton fans." "The Pies? Rejuvenated by new coach. Stars extend contracts. Eddie agrees to media blackout."St Kilda v WEST COAST
''Tough one. Forget the hard footy details about how the flag is achieved - just concentrate on the party that follows." The Eagles were no challenge. "Just repeat their improvement rate of 2011 and you have a believable story arc. Can't believe they got their 2011 script past the studio execs!''MELBOURNE v Port Adelaide
Murd argued that a change of coach at Melbourne offered a believable scenario - the talented kids, after years of development, suddenly begin delivering ''big-time''. "Power winning the flag is like trying to sell the Labor Party. All you can do is raise Eagles 2011 - it's like Keating's win in '93 - the only believable unbelievable we've got."SYDNEY v Fremantle
"History. The Swans were 11th in '02, then made finals for three years before winning it in '05. The pattern is ready to repeat - they were 12th in 2009, and will have had three years in the finals by 2012…" "West Australians only believe what they see at their home grounds, so have a live rally at Subi showcasing fit stars. Any player limping is strictly forbidden to attend."Brisbane Lions v GEELONG
''Lions? West Coast stratagem. Next!'' ''It's Hawthorn 1991 for the Cats - ageing superpower that still has lots of star players snares one before the end of their era. Just don't mention that the Hawks nearly merged five years later."North Melbourne v WESTERN BULLDOGS
''Can we get Carey back? With Anthony Stevens? Nineties icons bury the hatchet, come back as assistant coaches, and the whole place gets on a high…" "Dogs are a hard sell even when they have one of the best lists, let alone when they are down the ladder. Get Danny From Droop Street to make a vibrant, optimistic public declaration that the Dogs will go all the way. You may have to use some CGI.''
■Last week's prize winner Peter Steinfort wins a copy of Patrick Mangan's book Offsider, for knowing Village Idiot's margins were the playing number of each tipped team's reigning B&F winner. If you can work out the meaning behind this week's margins, email sport@theage.com.au for the chance to win a random prize.
Email a friend