TAKE a quick look at the magazine stands this week and it's a bit like this: Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Lisa, Jen, Jen. The Jen, of course, is Jennifer Aniston, written off just last week by NW magazine as ''unlucky in love'', who has stunned almost nobody aside from the NW team and Angelina Jolie by announcing she is engaged to her long-time boyfriend Justin Theroux.
Jolie is apparently outraged that, despite the fact she nicked Jen's husband Brad Pitt seven years ago, she's about to be beaten to the altar. ''The 37-year-old actress [Jolie] is seething that Jen has stolen her spotlight and thrown her wedding into disarray'', New Idea reports. ''I feels like Jen's in some sort of competition with me and Brad,'' Jolie supposedly told a friend who then told Woman's Day.
Speaking of competition, Who got the jump on everyone this week with not only news of the engagement but a sketch of the wedding dress from some local designer Jen's probably never heard and is incredibly unlikely to wear. And then there's NW who not only steadfastly refuse to admit they were wrong, but are upping the ante.
''While it's hard to recall a time when she wasn't the poster girl for unlucky-in-love women everywhere,'' they (predictably) begin before warning Jen's ''huge fortune is in jeopardy as she refuses to sign a prenuptial agreement.'' The engagement is less than a week old and they're discussing divorce terms? Wow, hats off for that one.
And finally we get to the ''Lisa'' mentioned at the start. That would be Australia's Sweetheart, multi-gold Logie winner Lisa McCune. It seems she's been photographed having a bit of an alleyway snog with her South Pacific co-star Teddy Tahu Rhodes.
Lisa, we should remember, is married to someone who is not named Teddy. And he is married to someone who is not named Lisa. ''Lisa was not wearing her wedding or engagement rings,'' Woman's Day informs. ''Only time will tell what this means to Lisa's family,'' adds New Idea. ''And her career''.
Commiserations to the respective partners and children who will no doubt be crushed by what's about to follow, but also to the magazines who somehow missed the part of the story that is right up their alley.
Teddy Tahu Rhodes is a relative of Margaret Rhodes, Queen Elizabeth II's first cousin and The Queen Mum's Woman Of The Bedchamber (don't ask).
TV's Golden Girl? A Scandal? The Royal Family? It's the gossip mags unholy trinity!